Blinding corona to death

It is time to oil your guns and your frying pans and fight the good fight

So what were you doing at 9 pm last Sunday? I was standing on the terrace with my whole family and we all lit candles and arranged them on a row along the parapet. They looked beautiful. But it was somehow not quite satisfying enough. So, we all switched on our mobile phone torches and waved them about. People on the opposite terrace waved back. About four minutes had passed by and there were still five minutes to go — surely, we could do something a bit more dramatic?

Before I could say Sivakasi, my neighbour lit a flowerpot and it went up splendidly in a shower of colours and lots of smoke. Not to be left behind, the family on our left burst a chocolate bomb. We were getting into the spirit of things. After all, we were fighting as a nation to keep the darkness away. It is what we had been asked to do and we were determined to do it well.

Sonia who lives in Indira Nagar called to say that they were not lagging behind either. Inspired by some TV visuals, they had decided to take out a small candle-light procession. Sonia said that had she been in her native Daryaganj she could have easily arranged for some flaming torches, but Chennai is a bit unimaginative that way and they had to be satisfied with candles. It looks romantic, she said. What about social distancing, I asked? Hadn’t we been asked to stay indoors? Don’t be silly, she exclaimed. It is important to take this outdoors, otherwise the photos do not look good and what will I post on Facebook?

She had used the magic word — photograph. We have been seeing so many visuals of Italians singing from balconies and the Spanish clapping hands and the French being French that we were beginning to feel distinctly left out of the pandemic photo essay. Finally, we were getting our chance. And I must say we did it better than anyone else because the very next day my college classmate posted a NASA photo that showed India glowing like a jewel on the world map. And UNESCO has also issued a certificate that our lockdown is the best in the world.

Fighting the coronavirus has not been easy. Staying indoors, standing in disciplined queues, not crowding, wearing masks — it has all been very taxing. The most taxing thing, of course, is the housework. I had to tell my cook and my gardener and my top worker and Sunday masseuse not to come and it is all proving too much for me. I read about this really clever lady in Bengaluru who apparently smuggles her cook into the building by making her hide under a blanket in the legroom of the car. Sadly, my cook is too healthy to fit there, so that option too is not available for me.

Rajasthan Patrika has reported that many families, suffering without cooks, are taking home food from the kitchens set up for the poor. I tried to do that, but the food was not great and anyway now Swiggy is back. Thankfully, I have stock-piled 15 bottles of sanitiser, so I disinfect the gate, the latch, food cartons, paper napkins, sanitiser bottle, everything. There is nothing like being too safe.

Last night, my friend Shalini called from Thrissur. She says the Kerala CM’s 6 pm press meet has become the most popular TV show there. He updates them about COVID-19, the steps he is taking, the relief measures, etc. Frankly, I think it is too much info. Why confuse ordinary people with all these details? Shalini says information can help us fight the pandemic. Well, each to her own. I personally think these clever Sunday tasks are far more effective. It gives people a chance to fight for the country with whatever they have — plates, pans, flowerpot, chakra. That is the way to include citizens and make them feel contented.

In fact, there was such a festive air in the city that evening that I wanted to take my husband’s gun and fire some shots in the air. After all, what is a celebration without some noise. Sadly, he has sent it away for cleaning. In UP, however, BJP leader Manju Tiwari did fire in the air. Maybe I will get a chance next Sunday to take a pot-shot at Corona.

Where the writer tries to make sense of society with seven hundred words and a bit of snark.

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