Expecting too much of your latest match is one of the key reasons people feel heartbroken when the relationship doesn’t go the distance, notes Ravi Mittal, founder, CEO, QuackQuack, a dating app.
Have you ever had an experience where your date or match suddenly disappeared even though you two were perfectly getting along?
Here’s what happened — you have been ghosted! And you are not alone.
Wait, what is ghosting?
You know how ghosts can go poof; people too can do the same.
Ghosting is when someone suddenly disappears from your life, severing all ties and communication.
This vanishing act comes in handy for the people afraid to deal with the emotional challenges following a break-up.
You can get ghosted days, weeks, or months into a relationship. This form of emotional abuse has become overly frequent in today’s day and age.
As per one of our dating surveys almost 41% of users have revealed being ghosted at some point in their lives.
With the shoot-up of online dating, building and breaking off connections have become relatively easy.
According to most users when someone ghosts you, the gravest issue can be how to cope with being left without notice.
32% of people above age 30 admitted that they had ghosted someone they met online at one point.
The logic behind their action, as they explained, was to avoid conflict and fear of hurting the other person.
They felt that leaving without notice was better than a long-drawn discussion about how and where it went wrong.
Meanwhile, 26% of women admitted that they ghosted their dates or online matches due to commitment issues and were not ready to start a serious relationship.
Whatever the reasons may be, getting over such an ordeal and moving on with your life can be a task.
Here are 10 tips to help you cope with being ghosted:
The first step to overcoming any form of grief is to accept that you are in a situation that is causing you pain.
Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Acknowledge that the entire event has hurt your feelings.
Bottling it up and putting on a brave face will do you no good.
Also, try coming to terms with the fact that you will never know why they left without so much as a message.
Accept that you might not get the closure you deserved.
#2. Don’t play the blame-game
Daters from tier 1 and 2 cities automatically blamed themselves after being ghosted by their online matches.
It stemmed from the fact that they had no idea for determining why the other person left the relationship or cut off contact so abruptly, without citing any reason.
Do not let your thoughts spiral down this road.
Ghosting might feel personal, but it’s not about you. It speaks volumes about the one who ghosted.
If the person you matched with disappeared without a peep, you are not to blame for that.
Next time you match with someone, try to look out for the telltale signs of whether they might ghost you. Usually, you can figure out a dater’s character from their bio.
#3. Choose a dating app suitable for your needs.
People between 28 and 35 years of age who have been using dating apps commented that selecting an app that suits you and your preferences best is key to avoiding getting ghosted.
While some dating apps are for people seeking the one, others might be for casual hookups and flings. Being mindful when choosing a dating app can save you from heartbreak!
#4. Voice your pain
Sharing your emotions about a painful experience with friends and family is known to lessen the discomfort significantly.
When you put your pain into words and share it with someone you trust, alongside gaining some neat advice, you also happen to hear yourself say the words and tend to realise how ridiculous you are being, pining about one lost love while there are several others out there.
Also, sharing your experience might save someone else from landing in the same situation. You never know!
#5. Thumbs down to shame
A small percentage of men disclosed that being ghosted comes with a side of shame, especially when the present episode reminds you of past rejections.
Being dropped by your date out of the blue is always painful, and having the same thing repeated evokes humiliation.
We strongly recommend offering yourself some understanding and sympathy.
Just think, what would you have done had it been your best friend who was hurting.
#6. Choose an apt profile picture to dodge ghosts
For online daters, being mindful while choosing your profile picture can be a game-changer.
More often than not, people match with someone based on their display image.
Picking a recent photo and a decent one can help you dodge potential ghosters.
Despite your best efforts, you might still end up being ghosted by your match. It is not on you.
It is not because you have a certain type of display picture. It is on the other person for not caring to end things the right way.
#7. Do not jump to the next date
While it is a common belief that you get over one person only when you fall for another, it is not necessarily accurate.
You don’t have to jump to the next person as soon as you get ghosted. We recommend taking some time off dating apps.
Try to cut down screen time and focus on spending time with your friends and family.
Once you feel that the pain from being ghosted has subsided, get back in the game. Your matches can wait!
#8. Every match is not your soulmate
When your online match leaves you high and dry after striking up a good conversation, it can come with initial shock and confusion.
But it is vital to remember that every person you match within a dating app will not end up being the one.
Expecting too much of your latest match is one of the key reasons people feel heartbroken when the relationship doesn’t go the distance.
#9. Limit contacting them
One golden rule for online daters is to avoid repeatedly messaging your matches, especially if you think they are ghosting you.
Hold your head high and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Giving your match a time limit or ultimatum once you realise they are beginning to ghost you.
For instance, ask them to contact you in the next three days, or you’ll consider the relationship to be over. It works to give you some power over the person ghosting you.
Take some time for yourself.
Take care of your mind and body.
Indulge in activities that make you happy.
Research shows that even regular activities like eating, bathing, exercising, and getting enough sleep are crucial in maintaining mental health.
Get out of the cycle of self-pity and pamper yourself. Watch your favourite movie with your friends, listen to music, treat yourself to some good food, read, whatever helps.
While the world of online dating opens up a multitude of scopes to find the one, like all good things it comes with some vice.
Ghosting has become commonplace with online dating.
Most people choose this path to avoid consequences. They lack maturity.
It is fundamental to remember that ghosting is a reflection of the person who commits the act, not the one who falls victim to it.
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