Witerati: Parota powers doughs & don’ts of Lollita and Lalitaa reunion

As India Quarantining limped into a live-in with Unlock 1.0, #WorkFromHome too settled into its sequel script. Quite like the cast and crew of the “Housefull” franchise sauntering back to the sets with the same old faces, but new costumes or cosmetic changes.

Cosmetic changes, yes, because a post-Lockdown narrative mirrors not just downsized vanities, but also downgraded vanity boxes. With the Mask as the new Half Burqa or Reverse Ghunghat, Unlock 1.0’s dilemma is: to do or not to do … cosmetics.

Of poor Parotas & Pricey atta-makers

Interestingly, the sub-narrative of the Return of Bai – Lalitaas, Lajjos & Co – comes riding not just cosmetic changes, but also ego massages. And how!

Remember the re-validation recently dished out to reinstated Lalitaas & Co? Re-validation One, by blokes bestowing tax slabs hard to swallow – 18 per cent GST on frozen food peculiarly spelt “Parota” (popular among us Punjabis as the more mouthful and ‘stuffed’ word “parantha”). Re-validation Two, courtesy curious contraptions called Atta Makers from brand Kent, whose promos got an unceremonious burial following a Twitter outcry about “classist’ and “casteist” content, cashing in on the Corona-induced phobia – to let or not to let dough be kneaded by maids, whose “hands may be infected”.

The Lollita-Lalitaa reunion in “Houseful Returns” thus comes (em)powered by not just Unlock’s masked narrative, but also “unmasked” glee.

Unmasked glee at Lalitaa & Co’s revalidation. Unmasked glee that, ironically, comes riding Death – of the Atta Maker, whose death-knell was scripted thanks to some chit of a copywriter who may have been more preoccupied presumably plodding through Netflix than political correctness whilst penning copy; and of the frozen “Parota” that was last heard gasping for breath under GST and is dying an untimely death upon the return of home-made Parotas rolling out from reinstated Bais.

The curious case of Marie Antoinette’s “let them eat cake” facing stiff, oops “stuffed”, competition from frozen Parota.

Of Merits & Multipurpose Masks

What’s exciting is that New Normal’s mask may be manifesting multi-purposeness.

Benefit One: The mask is to Social Distancing what filters are to Photoshopping and Instagramming.

For one, the mask mercifully muffles the muttering of the Lalitaas from landing on the cochlear compartments of the Lollitas, when the former are chided for not practising social distancing even from the pets – Chihuahuas or Labradors – lolling around the living rooms of Lollitas, Lalits & Co.

Cats can’t care two hoots for the migrant policy of NaMo, but care only for the fact that when they’re chasing mops ‘migrating’ from one room to the other they don’t like Lalitaas caterwauling “No Meow”. Social distancing be damned!

Benefit Two: The Lalitaas now need to take a call – to remove or not to remove the mask whilst taking all those calls from their “gaon” or “homaro desh” that have the uncanny timing of landing bang in the middle of their labouring at Lollitas’ household chores.

Pre-lockdown saw the Lalitaas spending ages on chattering, chopping knife in one hand and cellphone in the other – a Lalitaa meets Lasith moment – wherein Lalitaa looked like a Malinga undecided whether to bowl or bat. In those pre-masked narratives, the Lalitaas mouthed into their smartphones a smattering of Bihari or Bangla that the Lollitas could scarce decode, sounding as unintelligible as the ululations of the Chinese Premier, were he to call up Donald Trump minus a translator.

Alas, now the mask makes this cross-country cellphone bonding during chores a Catch-22 crisis for the Lalitaas. Either the Lalitaas have to unmask, exposing themselves not only to viruses but also stares from Lollitas as frosty as the frozen Parota. (Remember, the Lollitas mayn’t be in the mood for interruptions in the rolling out of Parotas, since the generous GST on the frozen variants may have pushed up the consumption of Bai-prepared Parotas perceived as New Normal’s “forbidden fruit”).

And if the Lalitaas don’t unmask, their masked mumblings to Malda or Midnapore may sound as muffled as Himesh Reshammiya rapping right through the throes of laryngitis.

Advantage, Lollitas.

The curious case of vanishing Atta Makers (em)powering the Revalidation of Bai.

Of flawed narratives & face masks

Masks, as New Normal’s Reverse Ghunghats and sartorial statements symbolising anonymous-isation and de-personalisation, may not spell well for the Khannajis and Khullarjis (K&Ks) of the neighbourhood.

Remember, even pre-Lockdown, the Glad Eye of the Khanna jis and Khullar jis didn’t quite adhere to the #StayHome protocol and possessed the propensity to travel to Lollitas as much as Lalitaas lolling on neighbouring terraces.

Post Lockdown 4.0, however, the K&Ks are facing tad tough time gazing at Unlock 1.0’s masked Bais plodding at pochaa-jharoo, swinging not just broomsticks but also their booty. Simply because their Glad Eye can’t make out whether behind the masks the recipient of their ogling is a Lollita, Lalitaa or Lata or … Lava waiting to explode.

The curious case of New Normal’s hottest occupational hazard – mistaken identity.

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